Drowning
by Lunarain327
Summary: Sango is drowning in her despair over Kohaku. Miroku comes to her in time to see just how deep her hurt really is.


"Sango?"

Sango turned as Miroku came toward her but quickly hid her face again. Wiping away her tears, she tried not to sniffle as Miroku took a seat beside her.

"Sango, are you alright?" He asked. She struggle not to let a fresh wash of tears go. He always spoke to her like that. Like his words, if any harsher, would break her. He was always gentle with her, always considerate.

"I'm fine." She mumbled.

She was surprised when he hooked a finger under her chin to bring her to face him.

"Out last encounter with Kohaku was more trying than the few previous. You can't tell me you are fine."

She felt her eyes fill with tears again. It was hard. So hard. And now, she had guilt on top of it. Her heart was so conflicted and so heavy. She felt as if she couldn't hold it anymore, as if her heart would drag her to the ground with its weight.

"Miroku, I- I feel so guilty." She said as she sobbed in his arms.

"Guilty? What have you to be guilty for?" He asked while stroking her hair.

It took her a while to calm down enough to speak again. "I can't tell you."

"Nonsense Sango. You've done nothing wrong. Nothing. I'm sure whatever it is, you'll feel better after speaking about it."

Sango continued to sob for a moment, trying to consider his words. She had all the battle courage in the world, but when it came to her feelings and confessions to someone she loved, she was a coward.

"No Miroku. This is something that can't be forgiven." She whispered.

Serious now, he brought her eyes to lock with his. "Sango. You must tell me."

"I'm a coward." She blurted while lifting up her sleeves. Two bandages covered bloody gashes of each wrists.

Miroku stared expressionless at the wounds for a moment. Unable to read his thoughts Sango felt a new wave of tears flow. This was too much.

Taking a wrist in each hand he slowly brought them up to his lips and kissed each one. She was shocked when a tear left his own eye.

"What possessed you to do such a thing?" He asked. His voice was soft but she could her the anger behind them which made her feel even worse.

Pulling her wrists out of his grasp she brought them to her chest along with her knees. Curled in on herself she relayed what happened.

"After I found out that Kohaku had harmed Kagome and went after him I had every intention of killing him."

"But Inuyasha stopped you." Miroku said.

"Yes and no. I had my sword raised and was poised to strike when he knocked the sword from my hand. I never felt such a relief. I was horrified with myself."

"You did what you thought you had to."

"No, not that I was about to kill him, but that I couldn't do it. Even before Inuyasha interfered I knew I would drop it before I would put a sword through him. He is being controlled by Naraku committing unspeakable acts. And he deserves to be released from the constant pain. He deserves not to suffer anymore. But I can't give him that. I can't kill him even to save him."

"Sango, we all understand your need to protect your brother."

"That's just it. I can't protect him. The only way to protect him is to kill him. To let him go. As long as Naraku is around, he will never be safe or free. Which is why he has to die. But I can't do it. I also can't let anyone else do it. Which is why it would be easier if I was the one to die first."

Miroku's jaw hardened. "No."

"If I'm gone you are free to kill Kohaku. You can do what I could not and ultimately succeed in destroying Naraku. But being the coward I am, I could not follow through on my end."

"So you are not despairing your attempt to kill yourself, your crying because you couldn't do it. Because you changed your mind and bandaged yourself up before the deed was done."

"I'm scared to die. I didn't think I was. Being a demon slayer I shouldn't fear deat-"

"Shut up Sango." Miroku spat. "I never thought you would be so foolish."

"W-what?"

"Do you wish me to die Sango?"

"NO! This has nothing to do with you. I would never think-"

"Exactly. You didn't think." He raged. Sango had never seen him so angry. Ever. "Sango Inuyasha and Kagome give each other strength. Both are fighting for the safety of the other. That is why I fight. Not because I fear I will get hurt or die if I don't but because I fear that you will. What would I care if I die if you are not there? What reason would I have to live?"

"Miroku I-"

"No. There is never, NEVER any reason for you to die. Especially by your own hand. We all care about Kohaku. Why would Inuyasha stop you from killing him if he wanted him dead? That wouldn't make sense. And Kagome protected him when we could not. Does that sound like we want you to LET us kill him?" Furious tears rolled down his face as he scowled.

Speechless Sango sat motionless. Her wrists throbbed painfully reminding her of her moment of weakness. She had been foolish. How would she feel if Miroku did the same thing? Angry and hurt. Just like he was feeling now. Shaking her head her sobs racked painfully through her. Drowning. She was drowning in this. So much confusion and pain. When would it stop?

"I'm so sorry." She whispered.

Miroku's eyes flicked over her. She knew her pain was evident. Bottling it up for so long had caused a never ending river of torment that was pushing her under making it impossible to breath. She vaguely wondered what he saw when he looked at her.

"You have to share this with me." He said quietly while wiping her tears away.

"I can't."

"Sango, it is I who can't. I can't sit by and watch you break under a burden that is too impossible to manage for just one person. I can't continue to wonder whether or not you will shatter the next time we meet Kohaku. I can't allow you to put the responsibility of a whole village upon yourself. I won't survive losing you to it."

"It's been so hard." She admitted, surprised she had said it out loud.

"I know. But if you tell me how you're feeling, allow me to share it, you'll manage. You're so strong Sango. For you to just now be succumbing to it, it's remarkable. I would have fallen the first time."

"I'll try."

"You have to promise me one thing. You must never EVER consider this again." He said while holding up a wrist. "I can forgive your desperation this one time. But if you try it again, I will tie you up and leave you when ever we go into battle."

"I swear to you Miroku."

"It's all right." He said while drawing her into his arms. "I won't let this drown you. I won't let Naraku win."

Sighing, Sango let the last of her tears fall. It still wouldn't be easy but now she had Miroku's support. He would keep her head above water. He would be her life support.


End file.
